Don't you hate those times when you're really sleepy and someone asks you do to something, and you agree even though normally you'd run screaming in the other direction? Well sometime last week, or the week before, which goes to show you how out of it I really was, D asked me if I would like to go to a dance with her. I hate dances with a firey burning passion, I'd rather spend a month in Iraq or Afghanistan. I said yes. It was a church dance, so I already knew what type of music and such would be there, so to avoid any fast dancing movements on my part I asked if we could make it at least a semi formal occasion. Thankfully D agreed, and I picked up the dress she wanted to wear from her parents and brought it up to her prior to the dance. Now in all fairness D knows I hate dancing and she was hesitant to ask me (notice that didn't stop her from asking me when I was in a poor state of mind) and the only reason she asked me to go was for her roommate's sake. Apparently several of them wanted to go to this dance, and had their hearts set on it. One of her roommates was even in charge of planning it, but they all wouldn't go if I didn't go, and D's roommate Emily's boyfriend was coming up from Provo. So after much groaning and mumbling once I realized what I had agreed to do, and I realized that because of the roommates I had to actually go through with it.
The Monday before the dreaded event one of the roommates got into a sledding accident and tore her face up, so she was out, and another's fiance was going out of town, so she wasn't going. So all the people who were wanting to go and whose fault it was that I was going, had bailed on me. It was myself, D, her roommate Emily and Emily's boyfriend. I have to admit, I was rather looking forward to seeing D in her dress, and I was going to wear my suit and a shirt that turned out to be the same color of her dress.
I went up to Idaho the night before to hang out with my other family, the Wilsons, and took D to her snowboarding class Friday afternoon. It was so nice to get up there and just try to relax before the cursed event. Since D was in her class that left me to roam the mountain myself, and they had just got a few inches of snow so everything was nice and soft. I decided to work on my jumps, but on one of the ramps I went off, I slipped and landed on the ramp itself and dinged my leg. First thought that went through my mind was "Wow that really hurt... I bet if I did it again I wouldn't have to dance tonight!!!" But then I remembered that I had to play Army on Saturday and I was going to have to run, so I decided against it. Not to mention D would've been disappointed.
We finished up on the mountain, and headed home. Seriously, it took her 2 hours to get ready, shower, dress, hair, makeup and everything. I went downstairs and tried to take a nap on her couch. When the big moment came for her to walk downstairs all her roommates came into the living room and made me watch her come down the stairs. Let me tell you, it was so worth it. I knew I had a stunning girlfriend before, but right then, I had a moment. One of those times when you re-realize something and the image is burned into your memory forever. I could have sat on her couch and watched her walked down those stairs for the rest of the night. There was just something magical about it. For that, two hours was a rush job, but I don't think she could have looked more perfect. I made sure I was standing at the bottom of the stairs whenever she went up them so I could be there to watch as she came back down. And she was very accommodating and gracious with me taking pictures. Sadly, only one of the dozen I took actually turned out decently, and you don't get the full effect of her in her dress. For a moment, I was starting to think that maybe this whole dance thing wouldn't be so bad. Emily made us dinner, which turned out to be very good, though for getting that dressed up I was hoping to be able to go out somewhere. Who wouldn't want to show off this beautiful girl who wants to be with me? What's up now world?!!!
We ended up playing games for an hour or so while we waited for another couple who decided to join us to get ready, and then we took off for the dance. Now comes my second favorite part. As we walked in, we looked around for Emily and her boyfriend only to be approached by a shorter girl. "You two look like you're married" she said, "Are you married?" Nope, we're not. "Well are you engaged? (looking at D's finger)" Um, nope. "Well you look like you should be married, marry each other soon." Ok, will do, thanks. I thought that the girl knew D, but apparently it was a total stranger. Who does that? I got quite the kick out of it, don't know exactly what D thought. Now comes the worst part. We walked into the dance. It's not that I think people are watching me, or care how I dance or what I do, I feel totally uncomfortable with myself and dancing. It's a complete self conscious horror-fest for me. I can do slow dancing, who can't? I was slightly worried about stepping on D's dress cause it was just slightly longer than her shoes would prop her up. At one point I swore I ripped it when she walked off at full speed while I was standing on it. Not cool. I have no rhythm, and I just don't like it. I do admit, D looked like she was having so much fun dancing that I almost want to learn how so I can join her. Almost. I do have a good friend who has offered to help me learn. We didn't stay long, maybe 30-40 minutes. For the first time ever I was grateful that I had drill the next morning. I didn't want to leave D, but I was so glad to get out of that dance. Oh, and Emily has pictures of D in her dress, but she's non responsive when I asked her to send me some, and in serious danger of incurring my wrath. Pictures of D when she's looking that good, or any picture of D for that matter isn't something to be held from me.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
It's been a while...
If you didn't read the title of this entry, you may not have known it's been a while. Its been a while since I've written, since a lot of things. A friend of mine has coined the term monoblogue, in which you think of things you want to say in your blog but you do it during the course of the day. I find that I monoblogue quite often, almost every day in fact. I wish i were better at writing in this, as I started it in an effort to count this as a journal of sorts.
My sister and I are going through the Bountiful temple on Wednesday morning for the first time. For her, she's getting married on Saturday, but for me, this has been a much longer journey. For those who don't know me, I used to, shall we say, sow my wild oats back in the day. I always struggled in staying close to the mainstream of the LDS church even though I believed its doctrine. However, these past months, about a year now, I finally "got my act together" so to speak and decided that enough was enough, it was time to grow up and do the things that I knew I should. I've made that decision before, and had some false starts, but this time was somehow different. I think a great portion of the difference was this time I had an amazing support structure around me. I had some really great family and friends who have been with me through thick and thin. I have an amazing girlfriend, who even though we weren't dating at the beginning, has been a huge source of strength and a perfect example to me. I had a church ward that I finally felt like I belonged to, who went out of their way to include me in their lives and activities. The time was ripe... I'm tempted to shut myself in my room and lay in darkness to prevent anything from happening to mess it up!
This upcoming week is going to be crazy for me and my family. My parents and my youngest sister are flying in at 1pm Tuesday, then we'll be going to the Draper Temple open house. My girlfriend will be coming down for dinner and the "meet the parents" thingy will happen. Personally I'm not stressed about it, and I don't think any of the other parties involved are, but I plan on playing the oblivious man part. Then Wednesday is the big day for my sister and I, and my parents leave on Thursday morning for Las Vegas. Vegas is where Laura is getting married, on Valentine's day. Is that cliche'? My wonderful, amazing, beautiful girlfriend whom I love to embarrass will be driving down with me on Friday afternoon to Vegas. I'm actually looking forward to the 6 hour drive, I get to spend it with someone I love! She's really going out of her way to do this with me, she's got two tests, two rather large assignments, and her church calling to deal with before we leave on Friday. I can't tell her how much I appreciate that she's going. I can't wait to see my family (sans my brother and his family).
I suspect that we don't realize how much influence our parents have on us till after we move out and are on our own for a while. One thing that I have picked up from my Mom and Grandmom is that if I'm going to have company, my house has to be clean! My grandmom, when she lived overseas, would clean her house before the maid came so she wouldn't think that she was a bad housewife. I'm planning on giving my house a thorough cleaning tonight since I won't have time to do it before I go to work tomorrow. Thankfully I'm going to have some help. My friend Rachel wants to use my washer/dryer so we're going to trade services.
Also, my Army unit finally consented to letting me go to Warrant Officer School on the 25th. So finally they're going to stop fighting me on it and just let me go. Prayers have been answered! Warrant school is going to be very hard, I know there will be parts of it that I won't enjoy, and i sure won't enjoy being away from D, ( my girlfriend and yet another rip off from my monoblogue friend). I got really tired of saying "my girlfriend" and it kinda protects her privacy a bit. Random, I know. Anyway, I'm looking forward to this week, crazy as it will be between work, doing some prerequisite stuff for Warrant school, family and travel, but it's going to be so worth it.
My sister and I are going through the Bountiful temple on Wednesday morning for the first time. For her, she's getting married on Saturday, but for me, this has been a much longer journey. For those who don't know me, I used to, shall we say, sow my wild oats back in the day. I always struggled in staying close to the mainstream of the LDS church even though I believed its doctrine. However, these past months, about a year now, I finally "got my act together" so to speak and decided that enough was enough, it was time to grow up and do the things that I knew I should. I've made that decision before, and had some false starts, but this time was somehow different. I think a great portion of the difference was this time I had an amazing support structure around me. I had some really great family and friends who have been with me through thick and thin. I have an amazing girlfriend, who even though we weren't dating at the beginning, has been a huge source of strength and a perfect example to me. I had a church ward that I finally felt like I belonged to, who went out of their way to include me in their lives and activities. The time was ripe... I'm tempted to shut myself in my room and lay in darkness to prevent anything from happening to mess it up!
This upcoming week is going to be crazy for me and my family. My parents and my youngest sister are flying in at 1pm Tuesday, then we'll be going to the Draper Temple open house. My girlfriend will be coming down for dinner and the "meet the parents" thingy will happen. Personally I'm not stressed about it, and I don't think any of the other parties involved are, but I plan on playing the oblivious man part. Then Wednesday is the big day for my sister and I, and my parents leave on Thursday morning for Las Vegas. Vegas is where Laura is getting married, on Valentine's day. Is that cliche'? My wonderful, amazing, beautiful girlfriend whom I love to embarrass will be driving down with me on Friday afternoon to Vegas. I'm actually looking forward to the 6 hour drive, I get to spend it with someone I love! She's really going out of her way to do this with me, she's got two tests, two rather large assignments, and her church calling to deal with before we leave on Friday. I can't tell her how much I appreciate that she's going. I can't wait to see my family (sans my brother and his family).
I suspect that we don't realize how much influence our parents have on us till after we move out and are on our own for a while. One thing that I have picked up from my Mom and Grandmom is that if I'm going to have company, my house has to be clean! My grandmom, when she lived overseas, would clean her house before the maid came so she wouldn't think that she was a bad housewife. I'm planning on giving my house a thorough cleaning tonight since I won't have time to do it before I go to work tomorrow. Thankfully I'm going to have some help. My friend Rachel wants to use my washer/dryer so we're going to trade services.
Also, my Army unit finally consented to letting me go to Warrant Officer School on the 25th. So finally they're going to stop fighting me on it and just let me go. Prayers have been answered! Warrant school is going to be very hard, I know there will be parts of it that I won't enjoy, and i sure won't enjoy being away from D, ( my girlfriend and yet another rip off from my monoblogue friend). I got really tired of saying "my girlfriend" and it kinda protects her privacy a bit. Random, I know. Anyway, I'm looking forward to this week, crazy as it will be between work, doing some prerequisite stuff for Warrant school, family and travel, but it's going to be so worth it.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
And one more thing....
This is to make her blush... she is so HOT, I love it! She doesn't think she is, but there are times I forget what I'm thinking or doing if she's near. Talk about distracting! And she snowboards, and can drive a stick, loves her higher math, and keeps me on track with just about everything I want to do in my life. She's willing to work with me on a lot of things, and she actually TALKS to me, a big plus. I love embarrassing her, and this should do the trick!
upDATING
So I have a ton of random thoughts. Like I tend to start sentences by saying so.. or yeah... But before I get into anything major, I'd like to start off by saying that yep, I'm finally dating someone. A girl I've been after off and on for about 4 years now give or take (ok, so she was gone on a mission for a year and a half, but whatever, it sounds better). That's all I'm going to say about that, that and it's great and wonderful, and really really hard at times. Totally worth it though.
Utah won their BCS football game against Alabama, a team that was ranked #1 for about 5 weeks of the 12 week regular season. I was slightly conflicted about it since I've been a 'Bama fan for a long, long time. In fact, that's where I spent a good amount of time in my younger days, and that's where my parents now live. Speaking of Alabama, that's where I recently spent Christmas. My parents just moved there, so the house is new to just about everyone. All my siblings, minus my older brother (and his wife and kid) came home, and it was really great to see everyone. Granted, my family being who we are, kinda had some um, shall we say difficulties in getting along and playing nicely with everyone. Some people need to get over things and figure out a way to love one another, that's right, I'm calling you (more than one you here) out. You know who you are. Swallow your pride and make an honest effort. Or else. Just remember I love you, and since I'm your older brother and I've already made all those mistakes before, so I know what is right and wrong. Trust me. While we may not know how to make Christmas last all year long (it's a lack of application, not knowledge), we sure did get it right for at least the day. As my parents had just moved, there were still plenty of boxes full of my junk to go through. I threw away quite a bit of stuff, but I think I have about two full boxes of books sitting in their garage. I loved being at home, as weird as it was with a new house that didn't quite feel like home yet. I got to see my dogs, who showed their love to me by shedding over everything I owned. Toby, my beagle/terrier mix took to his old habits of ignoring everyone else who was up, so he could wake me up to put him out. I guess I'm loved.
A few other interesting developments... The Army, rather, the commander of my current Army unit, it seems, has been trying to prevent me from dong my Warrant Officer training. If I do this training it gets me out of going to Afghanistan with my unit. Granted I sent myself to about 6 months of training so I could be prepared to do the job they wanted me to, I was going to be one of the top 5 people in terms of responsibility and importance over there (wtihin my unit), and I felt genuinely bad about changing my mind to go, but i realized that if I didn't take my chances when I could, the Army would never let me do what I want. So in the seeming spirit of vindictiveness and in reaction to my sudden bolt for the door, they have been trying what seems like very underhanded things to keep me with the unit and force me to go overseas. Things seem to be in my favor at this point, but we'll see what happens.
Over the course of the past few weeks it has become apparent that I need to move out of my current house. I really like the place I'm in now, the price is ok, a bit much, but its a really nice place. However, the living conditions haven't been very conducive to what I'm trying to do, and it's been causing a strain on a relationship I value more than I think the other person realizes. I think the distance that my moving out would create would be the best thing for us.
Utah won their BCS football game against Alabama, a team that was ranked #1 for about 5 weeks of the 12 week regular season. I was slightly conflicted about it since I've been a 'Bama fan for a long, long time. In fact, that's where I spent a good amount of time in my younger days, and that's where my parents now live. Speaking of Alabama, that's where I recently spent Christmas. My parents just moved there, so the house is new to just about everyone. All my siblings, minus my older brother (and his wife and kid) came home, and it was really great to see everyone. Granted, my family being who we are, kinda had some um, shall we say difficulties in getting along and playing nicely with everyone. Some people need to get over things and figure out a way to love one another, that's right, I'm calling you (more than one you here) out. You know who you are. Swallow your pride and make an honest effort. Or else. Just remember I love you, and since I'm your older brother and I've already made all those mistakes before, so I know what is right and wrong. Trust me. While we may not know how to make Christmas last all year long (it's a lack of application, not knowledge), we sure did get it right for at least the day. As my parents had just moved, there were still plenty of boxes full of my junk to go through. I threw away quite a bit of stuff, but I think I have about two full boxes of books sitting in their garage. I loved being at home, as weird as it was with a new house that didn't quite feel like home yet. I got to see my dogs, who showed their love to me by shedding over everything I owned. Toby, my beagle/terrier mix took to his old habits of ignoring everyone else who was up, so he could wake me up to put him out. I guess I'm loved.
A few other interesting developments... The Army, rather, the commander of my current Army unit, it seems, has been trying to prevent me from dong my Warrant Officer training. If I do this training it gets me out of going to Afghanistan with my unit. Granted I sent myself to about 6 months of training so I could be prepared to do the job they wanted me to, I was going to be one of the top 5 people in terms of responsibility and importance over there (wtihin my unit), and I felt genuinely bad about changing my mind to go, but i realized that if I didn't take my chances when I could, the Army would never let me do what I want. So in the seeming spirit of vindictiveness and in reaction to my sudden bolt for the door, they have been trying what seems like very underhanded things to keep me with the unit and force me to go overseas. Things seem to be in my favor at this point, but we'll see what happens.
Over the course of the past few weeks it has become apparent that I need to move out of my current house. I really like the place I'm in now, the price is ok, a bit much, but its a really nice place. However, the living conditions haven't been very conducive to what I'm trying to do, and it's been causing a strain on a relationship I value more than I think the other person realizes. I think the distance that my moving out would create would be the best thing for us.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
FINALS!
So I have finals. As do most of my friends. I wish I had tests like normal people who have finals. I have papers to write. One was fairly easy I suppose, a 5 page paper, I knocked it out in one night, but it's pretty bad, not my greatest piece of work. The things that are stressing me out the most are the two main ones. One is 8 pages (due Monday), again, not that long, but it's worth 25% of my grade, and the other is 13 pages(due next Friday) and is worth 50% percent of my grade! WHO DOES THAT??? And it's not like I can just crank out those pages and not really think about them, they're really really in depth subjects! You have to KNOW what the heck you're talking about, which I suppose is the point, but dang man. I guess that's what I get for taking Grad level classes. Granted I did take a work out and a guitar class to even out the stress, but wow. I'm leveled. Sigh. I'll get them done. Somehow. Even if I have to call in sick to work, I'll get them done. And I'll have the best of distractions by my side to help me through them.
Speaking of distractions, I think I spent like maybe 4 hours actually writing my paper the other night, and spent around 6 just messing around. It's not that I don't want to write the paper, I really do, I just can't focus on it. I think I have ADD, because I get distracted easily, and I can't stay on task alot. My friend Paul told me about this medication that they have him on (and he's much worse about being on task than I ever was) called Aderol or something like that. It was a miracle, he was able to focus on something for more than 20 minutes! So if it works for him, I think I'll look into maybe trying something out for me. As long as the side effects aren't worse than what I'm dealing with now, I think it'll be a good thing.
Speaking of distractions, I think I spent like maybe 4 hours actually writing my paper the other night, and spent around 6 just messing around. It's not that I don't want to write the paper, I really do, I just can't focus on it. I think I have ADD, because I get distracted easily, and I can't stay on task alot. My friend Paul told me about this medication that they have him on (and he's much worse about being on task than I ever was) called Aderol or something like that. It was a miracle, he was able to focus on something for more than 20 minutes! So if it works for him, I think I'll look into maybe trying something out for me. As long as the side effects aren't worse than what I'm dealing with now, I think it'll be a good thing.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
48-24, and then some unimportant things.
First, let me say FORGET 4th and 18, it's all about 48-24!!!!! If you don't know what I'm talking about, let me educate you. Utah recently beat byu DOWN, 48 to 24, with their beloved kitty quarterback accounting for 6 turnovers! The first three quarters were close, and exciting, but the fourth quarter Utah pulled away and blew them out of the water! So not only did byu lose on my birthday, they lost as my Christmas wish too!
HA HA HA!!!! So that was a great way to um, start off the holiday season we'll say. I did have to work Thanksgiving day, but I got paid double time, so it wasn't a bad thing totally. I had some wonderful friends bring me food from their celebrations with their families, so I didn't starve. My sister Laura took off to Vegas with her fiance, so she was taken care of. The morning after Thanksgiving, was Black Friday of course. I didn't have to work, but my roommate and best friend Jason did. Poor guy had to be at work at 3am! Sadly he didn't wake up in time to walk there without being late, so guess who had to drive him to work? That's right, me. And then I drove up to Idaho, and my Idaho family had moved, none of them were answering their phones, so I I wasn't sure where to go at first, but I eventually got a hold of someone and figured it out. I had a great weekend up there, and I saw a ton of friends and family. Went paintballing, and i wasn't the one who was hit the most, so that was nice. All in all it was a pretty good holiday. I've started my Christmas shopping, but I'm having a hard time remembering that even though it's cool and I want someone to have it, I can't always afford it. I also have a hard time telling people what I want for Christmas too. It's not that I don't want anything, I just don't know what I want. I'll be heading home for Christmas this year too. It'll be weird just a bit cause my family moved to Alabama recently and I won't have any of my friends from High School to be around, and neither will any of my siblings. It will still be good to see my family though. Sorry this is just a rant, I don't really have any focus tonight. Maybe because my boots and bindings finally came to my work today and I've been waiting to try them on till after I finish this. So... I'll see you later.
HA HA HA!!!! So that was a great way to um, start off the holiday season we'll say. I did have to work Thanksgiving day, but I got paid double time, so it wasn't a bad thing totally. I had some wonderful friends bring me food from their celebrations with their families, so I didn't starve. My sister Laura took off to Vegas with her fiance, so she was taken care of. The morning after Thanksgiving, was Black Friday of course. I didn't have to work, but my roommate and best friend Jason did. Poor guy had to be at work at 3am! Sadly he didn't wake up in time to walk there without being late, so guess who had to drive him to work? That's right, me. And then I drove up to Idaho, and my Idaho family had moved, none of them were answering their phones, so I I wasn't sure where to go at first, but I eventually got a hold of someone and figured it out. I had a great weekend up there, and I saw a ton of friends and family. Went paintballing, and i wasn't the one who was hit the most, so that was nice. All in all it was a pretty good holiday. I've started my Christmas shopping, but I'm having a hard time remembering that even though it's cool and I want someone to have it, I can't always afford it. I also have a hard time telling people what I want for Christmas too. It's not that I don't want anything, I just don't know what I want. I'll be heading home for Christmas this year too. It'll be weird just a bit cause my family moved to Alabama recently and I won't have any of my friends from High School to be around, and neither will any of my siblings. It will still be good to see my family though. Sorry this is just a rant, I don't really have any focus tonight. Maybe because my boots and bindings finally came to my work today and I've been waiting to try them on till after I finish this. So... I'll see you later.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Chasing pavement...
Yep, that's a title of a song, about a girl (person) wondering if they should keep on chasing the person they're interested in, "even if it leads nowhere". Good song for the most part. I was thinking about it for two reasons. It was on the radio as I drove to work today, and since it was the last thing I heard it's on my mind, and the events of this past weekend, and to an extent, the last several months (almost two years). Yep, a girl. I know I said I wouldn't do this, but dang it, it's my blog and I can do what I like.
I'm not going into details of it, but there's a girl I love, and she loves me (call it blind faith), even though I know there are people out there who may say different. I'd love to date her, but there are some things which prevent us from being together. Mostly, she doesn't feel quite right about it, and she won't do anything till she feels right about it. As frustrating as that is, I really respect that about her. I've got the outside of Utah mentality of "I like you, you like me, there's not much else involved, so let's date". So I'm sitting around more or less, waiting for her to feel right about it. Waiting as patiently as a person in my position could ever be, which, sometimes isn't very much. But if you refer to the previous post, I had drill this weekend, and it was out in the middle of nowhere. Well I was one of a few people who had cell phone service, so my fellow Soldiers often asked to use my phone to call their wives, and girlfriends. A few of them, since it was boring out there, passed the time looking through my phone, and found some pictures I have of this girl, and pretty much everyone asked me if that girl was my wife, my girlfriend, or whatever. NOPE. SINGLE. STILL. THANKS. Then I had several guys come up to me for advice about their own relationships, one was even looking to get married soon and wanted my opinion on how to know. Funny, they expect a SINGLE guy to know?
Then I find out that my sister got engaged. Not the sister next in line, but the one that's 6 years younger than I am. And when my unit got back to our building, I had to fill out tons of paperwork which asked me my marital status. SINGLE. With all this SINGLEness in my face (compiled with the way I was treated this weekend), it was hard not to feel down, and very alone. Where was my significant other for me to call/come home to, how come my sister gets to find her "somebody" so friggin early (congrats by the way Laura, I really am happy for you!). The good thing about this is I don't have to think when filling out that paperwork, it's gotten pretty automatic. Of course I went through the normal questions all single people ask ourselves when we re-realize that we're "alone". What's wrong with me that so and so won't accept me? If I hadn't done this or that WAY back then would she love me now?
I feel I'm a fairly secure person within myself. Some may laugh, but I think I'm emotionally mature, and I've been "alone" for a good while, and I'm not going to have a mental break down just because I don't have someone to call when I'm away or someone to come home to. Nice as that would be. And people, please don't think that this post is a lament on my lack of friends. I have lots and lots of wonderful, great friends who I know would be there for me at a moment's notice if I asked. And I do love and appreciate them quite a bit. I was just given the chance to look at my life again and reaffirm me being ok with being single, even though I would rather not be. I don't know how long I'll have wait for this girl before she says it feels right. I have my suspicions of when it may, if ever, happen, but that's not to say here. I don't know if at some point my heart will be able to take sitting around waiting anymore. But as of right now, if, if, if, there's a chance that things will work out, I'm going to hold on to that. Call me stupid. I know I am. About a great many things... To me, this is a bit too important to give up easily. But if I'm not married by the time I'm 30, I'm seriously moving down to my sister's apartment complex in Provo and finding some young dumb freshman.
I'm not going into details of it, but there's a girl I love, and she loves me (call it blind faith), even though I know there are people out there who may say different. I'd love to date her, but there are some things which prevent us from being together. Mostly, she doesn't feel quite right about it, and she won't do anything till she feels right about it. As frustrating as that is, I really respect that about her. I've got the outside of Utah mentality of "I like you, you like me, there's not much else involved, so let's date". So I'm sitting around more or less, waiting for her to feel right about it. Waiting as patiently as a person in my position could ever be, which, sometimes isn't very much. But if you refer to the previous post, I had drill this weekend, and it was out in the middle of nowhere. Well I was one of a few people who had cell phone service, so my fellow Soldiers often asked to use my phone to call their wives, and girlfriends. A few of them, since it was boring out there, passed the time looking through my phone, and found some pictures I have of this girl, and pretty much everyone asked me if that girl was my wife, my girlfriend, or whatever. NOPE. SINGLE. STILL. THANKS. Then I had several guys come up to me for advice about their own relationships, one was even looking to get married soon and wanted my opinion on how to know. Funny, they expect a SINGLE guy to know?
Then I find out that my sister got engaged. Not the sister next in line, but the one that's 6 years younger than I am. And when my unit got back to our building, I had to fill out tons of paperwork which asked me my marital status. SINGLE. With all this SINGLEness in my face (compiled with the way I was treated this weekend), it was hard not to feel down, and very alone. Where was my significant other for me to call/come home to, how come my sister gets to find her "somebody" so friggin early (congrats by the way Laura, I really am happy for you!). The good thing about this is I don't have to think when filling out that paperwork, it's gotten pretty automatic. Of course I went through the normal questions all single people ask ourselves when we re-realize that we're "alone". What's wrong with me that so and so won't accept me? If I hadn't done this or that WAY back then would she love me now?
I feel I'm a fairly secure person within myself. Some may laugh, but I think I'm emotionally mature, and I've been "alone" for a good while, and I'm not going to have a mental break down just because I don't have someone to call when I'm away or someone to come home to. Nice as that would be. And people, please don't think that this post is a lament on my lack of friends. I have lots and lots of wonderful, great friends who I know would be there for me at a moment's notice if I asked. And I do love and appreciate them quite a bit. I was just given the chance to look at my life again and reaffirm me being ok with being single, even though I would rather not be. I don't know how long I'll have wait for this girl before she says it feels right. I have my suspicions of when it may, if ever, happen, but that's not to say here. I don't know if at some point my heart will be able to take sitting around waiting anymore. But as of right now, if, if, if, there's a chance that things will work out, I'm going to hold on to that. Call me stupid. I know I am. About a great many things... To me, this is a bit too important to give up easily. But if I'm not married by the time I'm 30, I'm seriously moving down to my sister's apartment complex in Provo and finding some young dumb freshman.
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