As I sit here in a terminal in Iraq trying to come home this Mother’s Day my thought naturally turn to my Mom. I wished that I could have called her, emailed her, something, but being confined to customs with poor internet access, I wasn’t able to. I thought about all the things she’s done for me, the years of care and selfless sacrifice all for me. There are blessed few people who would endure what children put their Mothers through. I don’t think it’s any secret that the vast majority of Mothers feel inadequate and as if they could have done better for their kids. I don’t think that any other producer of goods has the opportunity to see the fruits of their labors as sharply as a Mother. I love my Mom.
Anyone who has met me knows that I have my flaws and shortcomings, but that all in all, I’m not a bad kid. My flaws are my own, and the good things I do and know are direct results of what my Mom and to an extent, my Grandmom have taught me. From opening the car door, giving up my seat, to always trying to put women before myself, they have taught me the correct things to do. Over the years I’ve been able to hear their voices in my head giving me advice or telling me what I ought to do. “Jeffrey, you make sure you hold that door open for a lady. You make sure you stand up when a lady enters a room. You make sure you cook, clean, and help with the kids when you get married. You’d better open that car door. You always walk between a woman and traffic. Jeffrey, you treat women better than you treat yourself.” All this advice and more have formed into habits that I don’t fulfill as much as I ought to, but still comprises the core of my values.
One thing that has always bothered me is just how sensitive women are about themselves and their affects on others, and it’s usually in a negative way. Billions of dollars a year are made taking advantage of the sensitive self worth, telling them how they can be better, look better, or otherwise improve themselves. Ladies and Gentlemen, I fell in love with the woman who has my heart during our early morning jogs, when she wore no make-up, hadn’t showered; and in most times had just climbed out of bed. She’ll tell you that she looked horrible, or that she has other physical flaws, but honestly she couldn’t be more beautiful in my eyes. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand wanting to look good, and when you have a horrible hair cut or you don’t feel comfortable in your clothes it’s hard to have that confidence. Essentially, what I find most beautiful is that inner feeling of self worth, confidence in who you are, and your kind compassionate nature.
I’ve found a great deal of quotes from lds.org, and while most of these are indeed religious quotes, they can be applied outside the strictly religious sphere and applied to all women. I wish that the world would treat women as the princess and queens they are, instead of the objects or servants that we often portray them as.
"Girls, you are of great strength and support to the men in your lives, and they sometimes need your help most when they are least deserving. A man can have no greater incentive, no greater hope, no greater strength than to know his mother, his sweetheart, his wife, or his daughter has confidence in him and loves him. And men should strive every day to live worthy of that love and confidence.
President Hugh B. Brown once said at a Relief Society conference, “There are people fond of saying that women are the weaker instruments, but I don’t believe it. Physically they may be, but spiritually, morally, religiously, and in faith, what man can match a woman who is really converted to the gospel! Women are more willing to make sacrifices than are men, more patient in suffering, more earnest in prayer. They are the peers and often superior to men in resilience, in goodness, in morality, and in faith.” (Relief Society Conference, Sept. 29, 1965.)" 1
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." 2
"Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. … I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less” (Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11)" 3
"President Ezra Taft Benson has stated, “Man is at his best when complemented by a good woman’s natural influence” (Woman, Salt Lake City, Deseret Book Co., 1979, p. 69).
In 1935 the First Presidency stated, “The true spirit of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints gives to woman the highest place of honor in human life” This has been confirmed by President Heber J. Grant: “Without the wonderful work of the women I realize that the Church would have been a failure”.
In preparation for that surpassing experience, it is important for you to learn now to appreciate the special gifts of the good sisters of the Church, whom God has so abundantly endowed with talents. Your eternal helpmate will gently hold you to your potential. She will give loving and thoughtful encouragement, as well as comfort and discipline. She will also lift you up when you are down and bring you back to earth when you are puffed up. She will bless your life in countless ways. As President Kimball said, “Brethren, we cannot be exalted without our wives. There can be no heaven without righteous women” (Ensign, Nov. 1979, p. 5).
In recent years a debate has raged about the equality of the sexes. Women are not in any sense lesser creations than men. In fact, they lose something when they are compared to men. President David O. McKay stated, “A beautiful, modest, gracious woman is creation’s masterpiece”. Daniel Defoe, the great English writer, stated, “A woman of sense and manners is the finest and most delicate part of God’s creation, the glory of her Maker. … He gave the best gift either God could bestow or man receive” (quoted in England in Literature, ed. Robert C. Pooley, 1963, pp. 261–62).
Surely the secret citadel of women’s inner strength is their spirituality. In this they equal and even surpass men, as they do in faith, morality, and commitment when truly converted to the gospel. They have “more trust in the Lord [and] more hope in his word” (“More Holiness Give Me,” Hymns, 1985, no. 131). This inner spiritual sense seems to give them a certain resilience to cope with sorrow, trouble, and uncertainty.
Any form of physical or mental abuse to any woman is not worthy of any priesthood holder. President Gordon B. Hinckley has stated, “I feel likewise that it ill becomes any man who holds the priesthood of God to abuse his wife in any way, to demean or injure or take undue advantage of the woman who is the mother of his children, the companion of his life, and his companion for eternity if he has received that greater blessing” (Ensign, Nov. 1982, p. 77). This, of course, means verbal as well as physical abuse.
A husband should always try to treat his wife with the greatest courtesy and respect, holding her in the highest esteem. He should speak to her in a kind and a soft manner, showing his love by word and deed. As she feels this love and tenderness she will mirror it and return it tenfold.
President J. Reuben Clark, Jr., referring to the faithful women of the early Church, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and John, and the mother of Zebedee’s children, stated, “From that time until now woman has comforted and nursed the Church. She has borne more than half the burdens, she has made more than half the sacrifices, she has suffered the most of the heartaches and sorrows” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1940, p. 21).
The First Presidency of this church has said, “Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind” (Messages of the First Presidency, 6:178). The priesthood cannot work out its destiny, nor can God’s purposes be fulfilled, without our helpmates. Mothers perform a labor the priesthood cannot do. For this supernal gift of life the priesthood should have love unbounded for the mothers of their children. Men should give them honor, gratitude, reverence, respect, and praise. A man who fails to gratefully acknowledge his debt to his own mother who gave him life is insensitive to the Holy Spirit. I wish to acknowledge to both my mother and my wife a debt which is so great I shall never be able to repay it." 4
Our beloved prophet, even President Gordon B. Hinckley, said of you, “God planted within women something divine that expresses itself in quiet strength, in refinement, in peace, in goodness, in virtue, in truth, in love.” 5
When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses? When the surf of the centuries has made the great pyramids so much sand, the everlasting family will still be standing, because it is a celestial institution, formed outside telestial time. The women of God know this.
We men love you for meeting inconsiderateness with consideration and selfishness with selflessness. We are touched by the eloquence of your example. We are deeply grateful for your enduring us as men when we are not at our best because—like God—you love us not only for what we are, but for what we have the power to become.
We have special admiration for the unsung but unsullied single women among whom are some of the noblest daughters of God. These sisters know that God loves them, individually and distinctly. They make wise career choices even though they cannot now have the most choice career. Though in their second estate they do not have their first desire, they still overcome the world. These sisters who cannot now enrich the institution of their own marriage so often enrich other institutions in society. They do not withhold their blessings simply because some blessings are now withheld from them. Their trust in God is like that of the wives who are childless, but not by choice, but who in the justice of God will receive special blessings one day.
The prophet who sits with us today could tell us of such togetherness, when at the time of his overwhelming apostolic calling he was consoled by his Camilla, who met his anguished, sobbing sense of inadequacy and, running her fingers through his hair, said, “You can do it, you can do it.” He surely has done it, but with her at his side.
Notice, brethren, how all the prophets treat their wives and honor women, and let us do likewise!" 6
"Someone said, “When you teach a boy, you teach an individual, but when you teach a girl, you teach a whole generation.”
J. Edgar Hoover said that “the cure of crime is not the electric chair but the high chair”
Her self-esteem cannot be based on physical features, possession or lack of a particular talent, or comparative quantities of anything. Her self-esteem is earned by individual righteousness and a close relationship with God. Her outward glow is generated by goodness within. And her patience is much more apparent than any imperfection." 8
"To be a righteous woman is a glorious thing in any age. To be a righteous woman during the winding up scenes on this earth, before the second coming of our Savior, is an especially noble calling. The righteous woman’s strength and influence today can be tenfold what it might be in more tranquil times. She has been placed here to help to enrich, to protect, and to guard the home—which is society’s basic and most noble institution. Other institutions in society may falter and even fail, but the righteous woman can help to save the home, which may be the last and only sanctuary some mortals know in the midst of storm and strife." 9.
"I want to express my appreciation for the wonderful women of the Church. We love the women of our Church. We love them as deeply as our own wives, our mothers, our grandmothers, our sisters, and our friends. Someday, when the whole story of this and previous dispensations is told, it will be filled with courageous stories of our women, of their wisdom and their devotion, their courage, for one senses that perhaps, just as women were the first at the sepulcher of the Lord Jesus Christ after his resurrection, our righteous women have so often been instinctively sensitive to things of eternal consequence. We recognize, as one man has wisely said, that while we speak of the impact of one’s mother’s tongue with a lasting effect upon us, it is our mother’s love which touches us everlastingly and so deeply." 10
“One Thing Needful”: Becoming Women of Greater Faith in Christ
Mom, I love you.I try everyday to make you proud and live up to what you've taught me. Grandmom, Kelly, Laura, Emily and Tori, I love you too. I hope I will always treat you and love you like you deserve.To my friends and other loved ones, thank you for your example, for your patience, your smiles and encouragement. You are better than what you think you are. You are more than what the world will ever tell you.
