Chasing pavement...

Yep, that's a title of a song, about a girl (person) wondering if they should keep on chasing the person they're interested in, "even if it leads nowhere". Good song for the most part. I was thinking about it for two reasons. It was on the radio as I drove to work today, and since it was the last thing I heard it's on my mind, and the events of this past weekend, and to an extent, the last several months (almost two years). Yep, a girl. I know I said I wouldn't do this, but dang it, it's my blog and I can do what I like.
I'm not going into details of it, but there's a girl I love, and she loves me (call it blind faith), even though I know there are people out there who may say different. I'd love to date her, but there are some things which prevent us from being together. Mostly, she doesn't feel quite right about it, and she won't do anything till she feels right about it. As frustrating as that is, I really respect that about her. I've got the outside of Utah mentality of "I like you, you like me, there's not much else involved, so let's date". So I'm sitting around more or less, waiting for her to feel right about it. Waiting as patiently as a person in my position could ever be, which, sometimes isn't very much. But if you refer to the previous post, I had drill this weekend, and it was out in the middle of nowhere. Well I was one of a few people who had cell phone service, so my fellow Soldiers often asked to use my phone to call their wives, and girlfriends. A few of them, since it was boring out there, passed the time looking through my phone, and found some pictures I have of this girl, and pretty much everyone asked me if that girl was my wife, my girlfriend, or whatever. NOPE. SINGLE. STILL. THANKS. Then I had several guys come up to me for advice about their own relationships, one was even looking to get married soon and wanted my opinion on how to know. Funny, they expect a SINGLE guy to know?
Then I find out that my sister got engaged. Not the sister next in line, but the one that's 6 years younger than I am. And when my unit got back to our building, I had to fill out tons of paperwork which asked me my marital status. SINGLE. With all this SINGLEness in my face (compiled with the way I was treated this weekend), it was hard not to feel down, and very alone. Where was my significant other for me to call/come home to, how come my sister gets to find her "somebody" so friggin early (congrats by the way Laura, I really am happy for you!). The good thing about this is I don't have to think when filling out that paperwork, it's gotten pretty automatic. Of course I went through the normal questions all single people ask ourselves when we re-realize that we're "alone". What's wrong with me that so and so won't accept me? If I hadn't done this or that WAY back then would she love me now?
I feel I'm a fairly secure person within myself. Some may laugh, but I think I'm emotionally mature, and I've been "alone" for a good while, and I'm not going to have a mental break down just because I don't have someone to call when I'm away or someone to come home to. Nice as that would be. And people, please don't think that this post is a lament on my lack of friends. I have lots and lots of wonderful, great friends who I know would be there for me at a moment's notice if I asked. And I do love and appreciate them quite a bit. I was just given the chance to look at my life again and reaffirm me being ok with being single, even though I would rather not be. I don't know how long I'll have wait for this girl before she says it feels right. I have my suspicions of when it may, if ever, happen, but that's not to say here. I don't know if at some point my heart will be able to take sitting around waiting anymore. But as of right now, if, if, if, there's a chance that things will work out, I'm going to hold on to that. Call me stupid. I know I am. About a great many things... To me, this is a bit too important to give up easily. But if I'm not married by the time I'm 30, I'm seriously moving down to my sister's apartment complex in Provo and finding some young dumb freshman.