This one is for the Ladies!

Lately I’ve felt impressed to write about something that I feel very strongly about. I kept putting it off because it seems kinda weird to do this, but I keep getting this feeling like I ought to. These past few weeks that I’ve been gone have been hard on me as the three people who read my blog will remember from my almost constant complaining. There have been a few things that have gotten me through more than anything. Those would be my faith and the love of my Heavenly Father, those stupid blue pills, and my very caring and concerned friends and family; more particularly those of the female persuasion.

The women in my life are always something that I’ve treasured above just about everything else. The roots of that come from being raised by Mom and in part by my Grandmom. I have a deep and abiding love for these two women, and it wasn’t till I was older and on doing more things on my own that I came to realize just how influential they’ve been. Truly they’ve shaped the way I think and view the world, molded my faith, and sculpted my character. My early childhood was filled with much joy and carefree times. I remember helping my Mom work in the yard in the red apartments during a difficult time in our family, riding in the blue car with the sunroof, and being loved. I remember going shopping with my Grandmom, and spending endless summer days with her just playing. I never doubted that I was her favorite thing in the whole world, followed by my brother, her husband, my Mom and my Aunt.

Being raised mostly by those two women meant that I was instructed in proper manners and social customs. Every time I am complimented on my manners and how respectful I am, (not to toot my own horn, but people have said that about me!), I always tell them that it’s because of my Mom and Grandmom that I turned out as well as I have. Opening doors in buildings, cars, walking on the road side of the sidewalk, all of those things are second nature to me. I remember getting in trouble in Boot Camp for calling a female Drill Sergeant “ma’am” instead of Drill Sergeant, because I was raised to call women you didn’t know well or respected “ma’am” (ma’am is what you call an Officer, not an Enlisted person). That was one of maybe three times I was dropped as an individual and made to do push-ups the whole time I was in Basic. Everything good that I do in my life, and everything good about me, I can directly point back to those two women as the foundation of all of it.

That’s not saying that other women haven’t had an enormous influence on my life as well. My sisters, all four of them have helped me develop the protective instinct that I feel towards all my female friends, to care and look out for each of them. I was taught to protect them, care for them better than I would myself, and before myself. I do love each of my friends, and I hope they know that I would do anything for any of them at the drop of a hat if I could possibly do so, but I think that counts especially for the girls. My sisters are wonderful, and I love each of them individually, they are very much their own person with their own talents and strengths, and I wouldn’t change anything about any of them, except to have them know that I love them more so than they do now. My friends that I’ve made throughout the years, especially these past 5 or 6 years have been so amazing. They’ve listened to me talk forever about things they probably didn’t understand and acted interested, they’ve lent me strength when I was lacking. They’ve given me encouragement to do more than I ever thought I could do on my own, they make me believe in myself when I doubt. They forgive me when I’ve been rude or thoughtless or made them cry or broken their hearts. They’ve stuck by my side in situations when most other people would’ve run away, and pulled me from the depths of my own despair. They’ve taken care of me when I’ve been sick or broken, and trusted in me enough to confide in me. Each of them will have my eternal gratitude and good will, no matter where life takes each of us.

Something that has always bothered me is the lack of self image that a lot of girls have about themselves. I believe that society and probably other girls are the main things which break down a woman’s self image most. I believe that generally women are very susceptible to other people’s opinions in forming their own self image, and that is a shame. We’re taught that “beauty” and the right clothes and make up will make you desirable and that’s all that matters. While I’ll be the first to admit that a woman who takes care of her body catches my eye, it’s not what keeps it there. A woman who has confidence in herself and her abilities, who has faith and self assurance, that’s what gets me. Often you can see it in her eyes and the way she carries herself, that’s what lights my heart up. The ability to dig deep and accomplish things that she desires and challenges her is more desirable than fancy clothes any day. I have multiple friends who struggle with eating disorders and weight issues, and I imagine they will struggle their entire lives with it. If I could permanently convince them that they are so so beautiful the way they are because of whom they are, then I would. I would want to tell you that you’re wonderful as you are, and you don’t have as many improvements to make as you think you do.

A special place in my heart is reserved for those of you who are Mothers, or will soon be Mothers (even if you don’t think it will ever happen). Quite honestly I don’t know of a more selfless act (other than Christ’s) than a Mother. I’ve watched the heartache that I’ve caused my own Mom when I mess up, and that drives me to do and be better than I currently am. I can’t imagine the love that is developed from the side of a Mother, but I know not to mess with the prayers of a Mother. Despite my best efforts to do otherwise, the prayers of my Mom kept me in Kuwait, bored but safe the last time I went overseas. I hope those of you who are Mothers know of the gratitude that I have for you, even though you’re not “my” Mom. I’ve said occasionally to a few people that I hope my children are friends with yours when they’re growing up, that way I know their friends will have been raised right and it will make my job easier. I know that it must be hard to lose yourself and place your dreams and seemingly your personal progression on hold while you devote yourself to someone who doesn’t really appear to appreciate your efforts for them. Now that I’m “grown” I know just how lucky I was to have my Mom available when I got home from school every day, to have her to drive me places, to give up her money, food and time to keep me happy in things that I probably didn’t need. One of the things I guarded jealously was while I was in High School was making it home about twenty minutes before she had to leave to pick my sisters up from their school. I loved being there and talking to her about our days. That was my time with my Mom.

And for a moment let me just say how amazing it is how spiritually in tune and sensitive you all are! If you don’t believe me, take a look at a Relief Society meeting and an Elder Quorum meeting. One of my best friends was recently a RS Pres in her student ward and we’d talk about our Sundays and compare lessons and the like. The RS starts out with and I’m pretty sure ends with a hymn, while the Elders are trying to grill out an opening prayer from someone. The Elders do usually sing, but an acapella version of “Elders of Israel” or one or two other hymns. RS lessons are planned and prepared for usually at least a few days if not a week or two in advance, Elders, lucky if it’s sometime the week prior, usually the night prior, or that morning. RS answers are thought out and freely given, Elders; you’d have better luck pulling teeth with your fingers than get volunteered answers. And who is always out first, and who has kids opening the doors to see if their meeting is out yet? Those kids aren’t looking for Dad, that’s for sure! But honestly, the ladies are almost always more sensitive to the promptings of the Spirit. They just seem closer to Heavenly Father than the rest of us. Go ahead and find a guy who disagrees with me, and I’ll show you a fool.

So ladies when your heart weighs down and you’re struggling to remember who you are and what you stand for, remember at least that they are surrounded by love and support, starting with me and always and unconditionally by our Heavenly Father. Women are wonderful. End of story, cease debate. Ya’ll are amazing, stop arguing with me about it! TRUST ME!!

President David O. McKay put it beautifully when he said, speaking of mothers, “This ability and willingness properly to rear children, the gift to love, and eagerness, yes, longing to express it in soul development, make motherhood the noblest office or calling in the world. She who can paint a masterpiece or write a book that will influence millions deserves the admiration and the plaudits of mankind; but she who rears successfully a family of healthy, beautiful sons and daughters, whose influence will be felt through generations to come, whose immortal souls will exert an influence throughout the ages long after paintings shall have faded, and books and statues shall have decayed or shall have been destroyed, deserves the highest honor that man can give, and the choicest blessings of God. In her high duty and service to humanity, endowing with immortality eternal spirits, she is co-partner with the Creator himself.” -H. Burke Peterson

First, there is gratitude for our mothers. Mother, who willingly made that personal journey into the valley of the shadow of death to give us birth, deserves our undying gratitude. One writer summed up our love for mother when he declared, “God could not be everywhere, and so He gave us mothers.” While on the cruel cross of Calvary, suffering intense pain and anguish, Jesus “saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he saith unto his mother, Woman, behold thy son! Then saith he to the disciple, Behold thy mother!” What a divine example of gratitude and love! -Thomas S. Monson

You never know what a girl is worth,
You’ll just have to wait and see;
But every woman in a noble place,
A girl once used to be.

Woman was taken out of man; not out of his feet to be trampled underfoot, but out of his side to be equal to him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved.

Too frequently, women underestimate their influence for good. Well could you follow the formula given by the Lord: “Establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God.” In such a house will be found happy, smiling children who have been taught, by precept and example, the truth. In a Latter-day Saint home, children are not simply tolerated, but welcomed; not commanded, but encouraged; not driven, but guided; not neglected, but loved. – Thomas S. Monson
You young men need to know that you can hardly achieve your highest potential without the influence of good women, particularly your mother and, in a few years, a good wife. Learn now to show respect and gratitude. Remember that your mother is your mother. She should not need to issue orders. Her wish, her hope, her hint should provide direction that you would honor. Thank her and express your love for her. And if she is struggling to rear you without your father, you have a double duty to honor her. – Russell M. Nelson

I wonder if you sisters fully understand the greatness of your gifts and talents and how all of you can achieve the “highest place of honor” in the Church and in the world. One of your unique, precious, and sublime gifts is your femininity, with its natural grace, goodness, and divinity. Femininity is not just lipstick, stylish hairdos, and trendy clothes. It is the divine adornment of humanity. It finds expression in your qualities of your capacity to love, your spirituality, delicacy, radiance, sensitivity, creativity, charm, graciousness, gentleness, dignity, and quiet strength. It is manifest differently in each girl or woman, but each of you possesses it. Femininity is part of your inner beauty. One of your particular gifts is your feminine intuition. Do not limit yourselves. As you seek to know the will of our Heavenly Father in your life and become more spiritual, you will be far more attractive, even irresistible. You can use your smiling loveliness to bless those you love and all you meet, and spread great joy. Femininity is part of the God-given divinity within each of you. It is your incomparable power and influence to do good. You can, through your supernal gifts, bless the lives of children, women, and men. Be proud of your womanhood. Enhance it. Use it to serve others. –James E. Faust

Do the best you can, and remember that the greatest asset you have in this world is those children, whom you’ve brought into the world, and for whose nurture and care you are responsible.” I repeat that tonight. Do the best you can to help all of us reach higher and do better. Use your innate spiritual gifts to bless. Help us push back the pernicious influences of the world in our lives, our homes, and in the Church. – Gordon B. Hinkley