It's been a while..

Hello everyone, it's been a good while since I've last written. Quite a bit has happened since then, and I could write several blogs about each thing. This is going to be long... First, I went through the Bountiful temple on Feb 11th, along with my sister, my parents and a couple very close friends. It was weird, but good. I was having troubles dealing with it all, but I had some people talk me through it and I'm fine now. Then I went down to Las Vegas to see my little sister get married on Valentine's day. How cliche'. But I took D, and that was quite the enjoyable road trip. I was able to see my entire family, minus my brother and his family. Even my Grandmom showed up! It was really great to see all of them again. We were able to sleep at Shane's (my new brother in law) aunt and uncle's house, and they were so wonderful about taking care of us and helping us get from place to place.
Then on the 24th I flew down to Ft. Rucker, Alabama to attend Warrant Officer training. It's a 5 week course designed to lay the foundation for a bunch of former Non Commissioned Officers to become Warrant Officers. What is a Warrant Officer you say? Basically we're technical experts in our given field, but the past few years we've been asked to branch out and take more responsibility and spill over into the regular O grade officers areas. This course was pretty rough, and very intimidating for myself and almost everyone else there. Its designed that way. I knew I'd be able to handle the physical stuff they threw at us, push ups, and all the other junk. I may not be able to do as much as they wanted me to, but I wasn't going to quit that stuff. The academics weren't going to be an issue either.
The mind games were a bit harder though. Most of the people in my class were Active duty, so they did their jobs all day every day, and had around 10 years of experience. I was a Reservist, so maybe I'd get to do an aspect of my job every other month, and I only had 7 years in. Right off the bat I felt behind. I faced the challenge that Warrant Officers are supposed to be the experts, the ones with all the answers, and I knew that wasn't me. Not yet. It took me a bit to realize that they basically give us a two year trial period before they really expect us to grow into ourselves as Warrants. There was also the issue that as an Officer in the Army, we were expected to have a whole other level of commitment to the Army than we did before. Basically we were "told" that we needed to put the Army before everyone and everything else. I struggled the most with that, because I have seen the Army mess up too many families, and cause too much pain in people's personal lives because it demands quite a bit. In my life, my top 3 priorities are, and I hope always will be God, my friends and family, and lastly, the Army. I knew I wouldn't be able to place the Army first. Maybe at moments, for a few hours a day, it could move up to #2, but not #1. So I took this concern to one of my leaders and laid it out for him. Maybe I was struggling because I'm a Reservist, a part timer in the Army. But if they wanted that level of dedication from me as a Warrant, I didn't think I belonged. He told me that when he was my age, he had placed the Army first, then friends and family, and God may not have even been in the equation. But now that he was older, he found that he had to place his priorities similar to mine, God, friends and family, then the Army. It was such a relief to know that a senior Officer, who I looked up to, and my priorities were in the same place.
While I was there, good and bad things happened. I grew as a leader (I hope) and became more comfortable in knowing that I'll be able to learn my job. I graduated with "honors", called the Commandant's List, meaning I was in the top 20% of my class overall. When we first got there, we started out with 107 people, and by the time we graduated, we were down to 83. I Had set that goal for myself before I left, and I achieved it. Good feeling. And none of the people I tutored for the academics failed any exams that we took, a few came close, but none failed. I made a few really good friends, and made some important contacts. I was able to go to church 3 times during the 5 weeks I was there. I miss being in a family ward, but it was hard for me to be there, realizing that I have no family of my own. Yes yes, I have parents, sisters, friends and such, but you know what I'm talking about. The obvious absence of someone to share my good times and my rough times with was glaring. I found out that my Grandmom had a surgery while I was there, and it didn't go so well, she was in and out of the hospital the last few weeks I was at training. We had two other people in my class who had family members die while they were at this course, so that was on my mind alot. Two days after that, I found out that my unit is headed to Iraq in July, and I'm going with them. Also, D's mood changed while I was gone, and I could tell, even in the letters that she sent. She was trying really hard to be supportive of me while I was gone, but I guess I can read her too well. I asked her if she was going to break up with me when I got home, and yes, she was. And she did. It wasn't something that either of us wanted, quite contrary, but she got the impression that we weren't supposed to be dating anymore, so we did the only thing we could do. And it sucks beyond belief.