Random things...

Random things that I have either realized or had solidified for me while I've been at this training.

1. I can be calm under pressure. While I was eating lunch one day I had a snake crawl on me, and basically just hang out next to me. It was scared and with me trying to get everyone away from me so it wouldn't freak out any more than it already was, it was a tense moment. I stayed totally still and calm while everyone else was running and screaming away, then running back to see exactly what it looked like (while it was still on me, thus scaring the snake even more). Eventually once I yelled enough at everyone to get away, the snake wandered off, and I finished my lunch. Nobody else sat down to finish their lunch.

2. That same group of Soldiers who were running away screaming and scared, with some practice (quite a bit of practice) have me convinced that they can kill a vast amount of bad guys.

3. My rank does scary things. People salute me (as they should), call me Sir, Chief or Mr. McGill now instead of Sarge. It makes my troopies tense occasionally, they're more formal around me (as they should). The other night, I walked up on a group of them talking about doing some semi mean prank to another guy, but as soon as they saw it was me, they stopped talking about it. If I was still enlisted, they'd probably have included me in the plot. They now expect me to have all the answers, moreso than before. If I tell them to go do something, they REALLY HAVE to follow what I tell them, even if it's to go die...I now have a whole new set of expectations placed upon me. For example, when I was enlisted I could go eat lunch whenever with whomever I wanted, now it's expected that I wait and eat with another officer.

4. People don't like it when I tell them I died. During training, I sometimes get hit or have something blown off. Like Wednesday I was shot in the neck, and since my medics didn't get to me in time, I died. So in addition to all the things I wasn't really planning on telling you all about when I get over there (getting hit by IED's, getting shot at, being mortared) I now won't tell you about me being simulated dead. Even though it weighs on me that I'll come back missing an arm or a leg.

5. According to the Army, I'm a higher risk for suicide. I just got out of a relationship, I experienced a big life change (swapping from being elisted to officer and joining a new unit), I've had previous history of sorts, depression runs in my family (gallops is more like it), and I face quite a bit of uncertainty when I get home, I often feel like I don't have much to hold onto, to look forward to, when I get home. And I'm talking people, not things or events there... But I'll be ok, so no worries...

6. I have recurring nightmares and lose quite a bit of sleep b/c of the deployment and the weight that I'm placing on myself. Happened last time, it's happening again this time.

7. I'll be going to one of the largest, nicest bases in Iraq, and with my job and rank, I'll probably never leave the base, and be very nice and safe.

8. I'm going to really miss quite a few people and places here in Utah and all over.