FINALS!

So I have finals. As do most of my friends. I wish I had tests like normal people who have finals. I have papers to write. One was fairly easy I suppose, a 5 page paper, I knocked it out in one night, but it's pretty bad, not my greatest piece of work. The things that are stressing me out the most are the two main ones. One is 8 pages (due Monday), again, not that long, but it's worth 25% of my grade, and the other is 13 pages(due next Friday) and is worth 50% percent of my grade! WHO DOES THAT??? And it's not like I can just crank out those pages and not really think about them, they're really really in depth subjects! You have to KNOW what the heck you're talking about, which I suppose is the point, but dang man. I guess that's what I get for taking Grad level classes. Granted I did take a work out and a guitar class to even out the stress, but wow. I'm leveled. Sigh. I'll get them done. Somehow. Even if I have to call in sick to work, I'll get them done. And I'll have the best of distractions by my side to help me through them.
Speaking of distractions, I think I spent like maybe 4 hours actually writing my paper the other night, and spent around 6 just messing around. It's not that I don't want to write the paper, I really do, I just can't focus on it. I think I have ADD, because I get distracted easily, and I can't stay on task alot. My friend Paul told me about this medication that they have him on (and he's much worse about being on task than I ever was) called Aderol or something like that. It was a miracle, he was able to focus on something for more than 20 minutes! So if it works for him, I think I'll look into maybe trying something out for me. As long as the side effects aren't worse than what I'm dealing with now, I think it'll be a good thing.

48-24, and then some unimportant things.

First, let me say FORGET 4th and 18, it's all about 48-24!!!!! If you don't know what I'm talking about, let me educate you. Utah recently beat byu DOWN, 48 to 24, with their beloved kitty quarterback accounting for 6 turnovers! The first three quarters were close, and exciting, but the fourth quarter Utah pulled away and blew them out of the water! So not only did byu lose on my birthday, they lost as my Christmas wish too!

HA HA HA!!!! So that was a great way to um, start off the holiday season we'll say. I did have to work Thanksgiving day, but I got paid double time, so it wasn't a bad thing totally. I had some wonderful friends bring me food from their celebrations with their families, so I didn't starve. My sister Laura took off to Vegas with her fiance, so she was taken care of. The morning after Thanksgiving, was Black Friday of course. I didn't have to work, but my roommate and best friend Jason did. Poor guy had to be at work at 3am! Sadly he didn't wake up in time to walk there without being late, so guess who had to drive him to work? That's right, me. And then I drove up to Idaho, and my Idaho family had moved, none of them were answering their phones, so I I wasn't sure where to go at first, but I eventually got a hold of someone and figured it out. I had a great weekend up there, and I saw a ton of friends and family. Went paintballing, and i wasn't the one who was hit the most, so that was nice. All in all it was a pretty good holiday. I've started my Christmas shopping, but I'm having a hard time remembering that even though it's cool and I want someone to have it, I can't always afford it. I also have a hard time telling people what I want for Christmas too. It's not that I don't want anything, I just don't know what I want. I'll be heading home for Christmas this year too. It'll be weird just a bit cause my family moved to Alabama recently and I won't have any of my friends from High School to be around, and neither will any of my siblings. It will still be good to see my family though. Sorry this is just a rant, I don't really have any focus tonight. Maybe because my boots and bindings finally came to my work today and I've been waiting to try them on till after I finish this. So... I'll see you later.

Chasing pavement...

Yep, that's a title of a song, about a girl (person) wondering if they should keep on chasing the person they're interested in, "even if it leads nowhere". Good song for the most part. I was thinking about it for two reasons. It was on the radio as I drove to work today, and since it was the last thing I heard it's on my mind, and the events of this past weekend, and to an extent, the last several months (almost two years). Yep, a girl. I know I said I wouldn't do this, but dang it, it's my blog and I can do what I like.
I'm not going into details of it, but there's a girl I love, and she loves me (call it blind faith), even though I know there are people out there who may say different. I'd love to date her, but there are some things which prevent us from being together. Mostly, she doesn't feel quite right about it, and she won't do anything till she feels right about it. As frustrating as that is, I really respect that about her. I've got the outside of Utah mentality of "I like you, you like me, there's not much else involved, so let's date". So I'm sitting around more or less, waiting for her to feel right about it. Waiting as patiently as a person in my position could ever be, which, sometimes isn't very much. But if you refer to the previous post, I had drill this weekend, and it was out in the middle of nowhere. Well I was one of a few people who had cell phone service, so my fellow Soldiers often asked to use my phone to call their wives, and girlfriends. A few of them, since it was boring out there, passed the time looking through my phone, and found some pictures I have of this girl, and pretty much everyone asked me if that girl was my wife, my girlfriend, or whatever. NOPE. SINGLE. STILL. THANKS. Then I had several guys come up to me for advice about their own relationships, one was even looking to get married soon and wanted my opinion on how to know. Funny, they expect a SINGLE guy to know?
Then I find out that my sister got engaged. Not the sister next in line, but the one that's 6 years younger than I am. And when my unit got back to our building, I had to fill out tons of paperwork which asked me my marital status. SINGLE. With all this SINGLEness in my face (compiled with the way I was treated this weekend), it was hard not to feel down, and very alone. Where was my significant other for me to call/come home to, how come my sister gets to find her "somebody" so friggin early (congrats by the way Laura, I really am happy for you!). The good thing about this is I don't have to think when filling out that paperwork, it's gotten pretty automatic. Of course I went through the normal questions all single people ask ourselves when we re-realize that we're "alone". What's wrong with me that so and so won't accept me? If I hadn't done this or that WAY back then would she love me now?
I feel I'm a fairly secure person within myself. Some may laugh, but I think I'm emotionally mature, and I've been "alone" for a good while, and I'm not going to have a mental break down just because I don't have someone to call when I'm away or someone to come home to. Nice as that would be. And people, please don't think that this post is a lament on my lack of friends. I have lots and lots of wonderful, great friends who I know would be there for me at a moment's notice if I asked. And I do love and appreciate them quite a bit. I was just given the chance to look at my life again and reaffirm me being ok with being single, even though I would rather not be. I don't know how long I'll have wait for this girl before she says it feels right. I have my suspicions of when it may, if ever, happen, but that's not to say here. I don't know if at some point my heart will be able to take sitting around waiting anymore. But as of right now, if, if, if, there's a chance that things will work out, I'm going to hold on to that. Call me stupid. I know I am. About a great many things... To me, this is a bit too important to give up easily. But if I'm not married by the time I'm 30, I'm seriously moving down to my sister's apartment complex in Provo and finding some young dumb freshman.

Army weekend

So I'm struggling with what to write about, but I know that I want to write. Hmmmm, well this past weekend I had Drill, working for the Army. This was the first drill that I've been to since I was selected at a Warrant Officer Candidate. This means that I have the option to not go to Afghanistan with my unit in the Spring. I had decided to take this opportunity and advance my career and life. They had been counting on me going with them in a rather important position, and now didn't have anyone to fill it. As I expected, this didn't make them happy, but a few of them encouraged me. We have a saying in the Army: The Army will get theirs, make sure you get yours while you still can. Sad way of looking at it, but its so true. If you let it, the Army will keep taking advantage of you till well, you're dead. I've given up almost a year and a half working for them, and about 4 semesters of school, soon to be 5, working for them. It gets kinda frustrating seeing how much I pour into it, and not only time, but emotion and energy. I wouldn't mind so much, if they treated us right. Like I didn't mind when my Commander cussed me out for leaving (I happened to be holding a loaded pistol at the time, so really, that was all he could do). But several others who were once my friends didn't talk to me, mostly because I figure I was disgraced, or a slacker. Either way I was in the dog house with my unit and they weren't going to risk being tainted themselves by talking to me. I can't blame them, usually when someone does what I did, they're exiled and treated like they have the plague.
My friend Paul used to work at our unit full time. Nobody put as much time or energy into doing things right and on time like he did. He would stay all night working on a project to make sure that it would get done, even when the responsibility isn't his. He went back to being a normal Reservist like me, and since he wasn't there to do everything for the unit like he normally does, nothing got done. He had to come in a few days early and work almost nonstop to make sure that things went according to plan. When things kicked off on Friday morning, the first group of vehicles that were supposed to move out left only a half hour late. Not too bad considering I've seen us leave up to three hours late. Well that wasn't good enough for some people, and they were cursing his name the whole time. This, and other things, made it so their most dedicated Soldier wants to leave the unit at the first possible chance.
Sigh, I guess it all comes down to what I talked about with a younger Soldier this past weekend who was having problems of his own with the Army. We figured out that while we don't love the Army per say, we do love our Country, and its for that, that we were here, and it's for that, that we'd make the sacrifices we do. Because sometimes, as much as I love my Country, I sure hate the Army.

Baby it's cold outside!

So, let me just update you real quick about what's happening in my world of sports. Currently, my Utes are sitting atop of the Mountain West Conference with a perfect 10-0 record. byu (notice I still don't capitalize them, even at the start of a sentence) lost to TCU on my birthday, and Utah beat TCU last Thursday 13-10. No, we're not a perfect team, but we do have a perfect record. What now? Real Salt Lake, my soccer team, beyond anyone's wildest dreams, has advanced to the Western Conference Finals! This game is going to happen on Saturday, and I won't be able to go because I'll be at drill with the Army this weekend. Aside from how exactly we got there, I'm confused about how we're the only team left from the Western Conference in the whole playoffs, yet we're still not the Western Conference Champs. The team we're playing, New York Red Bulls (how's that for blatant advertising) is in the Eastern Conference. Either way, we still need to beat them so we can make it to the MLS Cup game. Alabama is still the #1 team in the Nation, Auburn sucks, though it's up in the air who I hate more, Auburn, or byu. It'll probably change the closer I get to either school.

That'll do for sports for now. Once more, I'm sitting at work, bored out of my mind, and trying not to spend money I have, but don't need to be spending. I kinda went on a kick and bought a new board, boots and bindings for the upcoming snowboarding season. I'm really trying hard not to buy a new jacket too. I do have some justification for buying all of this, my other board, boots and bindings are kinda old, and at least my boots and board are falling apart on me. I'm not sure how I'm going to retire my old board. I know I'll have problems parting with it since it's my first real board. Broke my collar bone on it, took my first jump on it, been through several concussions... Good memories. I'm way excited for the SNOW that's been falling lately, even if down in the valley it's more rain than anything. As long as the mountains are getting slammed, I don't care.
And finally, I have been SICK SICK SICK. It's not the puking my guts up type, because that would be too quick, but it's been the stuffy nose, sore throat, achy body and total loss of constructive thought type. The type that makes you want to crawl into the fetal position and cry for Mom. I'm on the upswing, or at least I thought I was. I felt like I have been for the past three days. As I write about getting better I can feel my stomach twisting, holding onto this flu or virus or plague like I'm going to hold onto my snowboard. I've been really lucky though to have some friends who have brought me dinner when I ran out of food and was too weak to go get some from the store. And Jason... well we'll just say that he's sick now too. Serves him right for not taking better care of me. I tried going to school on Monday, and then work on Tuesday, and lasted only a few hours at each. I have to play Army this weekend, and we're going to spending Friday, Saturday and Sunday out in the middle of nowhere, it's going to be cold and windy. I just hope I can get healthy enough so I don't get worse this weekend. Wish me luck.

On second thought

Oh, and I have to say, being taken out and fed all last weekend for just about every meal was different. Now I know how some girls feel. You all have a pretty decent racket going on. Too bad about the pms and the kids thing. HA HA!

It must be my Birthday!

Yeah, yeah, I'm about to eat some crow...Go figure that right after I post about how I'm not a fan of birthdays, I have to go and have the best one of my life. I suppose it all started last Wednesday morning, when my friend Sarah invited me over to eat breakfast at her place. She fixed me pancakes and sausage, which her roommate and her roommate's boyfriend promptly ate most of it, but it was really nice to see her again. Then I went to work, which was unavoidable, and afterwards hung out with my friend Carrie. I worked Thursday morning too, but I slept in about two hours so I went in at 8 instead of 6. I felt it was deserved! Right after work I headed down to that pit of self righteousness and judgement otherwise known as Provo to hang out with my sister. She took me to the Brick Oven for pizza, but I don't know which was better, the food, or the fact that she didn't know how to pay for the check. So much for feminine Liberalism and self independence. I guess you've been on a few too many dates my dear sister. But we had a great talk, and enjoyed each other's company.

Most of you know that I'm a huge pro any team that plays byu fan... Well ever since i found out that TCU was playing byu (and no, I'll never capitalize that) on my birthday, I've been hoping that they'd lose. AND THEY DID!!!! Like 32-7. BLOW OUT! My friend Alecia and her roommates were so upset that they turned off the TV and refused to even hear about what was going on, at the start of the 2nd quarter! There I was, willing to watch the most hated team play football on my birthday, and they wouldn't even let me! I'm still really excited that they lost. Their team must have a lot of questions after coming apart that badly, but I have only one. I wonder what their new slogan will be since "quest for perfection" is down the drain! To cap it all off I got some Cold Stone ice cream too.
Friday was a continuation of my birthday, since it was actually on Thursday, but since my friend Josh turned 23 on Monday, we decided to combine birthdays and have a party on Friday. I'll be honest, I don't really like parties, or large social events where I'm required to interact on a large scale, even more so when half of it's supposedly centered on me, so I was less than excited. My dear friend Julie fixed me breakfast, which was amazing, I was so full. She gave me, as a gag gift, an old Clay Aiken calendar. Well I didn't want Jason to feel left out, so I put it on his bed, and then went off with Diana for the afternoon. She took me to lunch, and we spent a good part of the day in the park just talking and enjoying each other's company. It was good to talk to her and catch up since she's so far away in Logan for the school year. When i came home, i found that Jason had taken the calendar, cut out all of the pictures, and decided to have a Clay Aiken themed party!
There were pictures of Clay all over the living room, and Jason had picked all of the gay, or questionable themed music from his computer (he has quite a bit) and made quite the play list. I have to say that I was scared, but I loved it at the same time. Only in that it was probably the funniest thing I've ever seen. Soon, alot of my good friends showed up and we talked, played games, ate food, and listened to music (we changed the playlist pretty quickly) till about 2am. It was really nice in that I got to see my sister Laura again, even if I had to take her home at 10 so she could take the GRE practice test in the morning.
Saturday morning I slept in, studied for the mid-terms I had on Monday. That afternoon I hung out with Diana again, and tried to find her a dress for church on Sunday, but ended up getting shoes instead. i managed to pick up a few pairs of jeans, since mine all had holes in them. I should be good for a few more years. Then we went to a Real Salt Lake game, which they won in a spectacular fashion to help get them into the play-offs. They're not there yet, but winning 3-1 sure helps! Sunday I went to church, happy in the fact that all my sports teams won that weekend, or the right ones lost... Julie came over and baked the most wonderful cake ever, SO rich. It took me till last night to eat the last of it it was so potent. We had a great talk about my life, and just everything that has been getting me down and causing me stress.
Lately I can say that I feel, I don't know if it's true or not, but I feel, as if I'm finally growing up. I feel more comfortable in myself, I think my actions through a little more, not always, but more often. I'm more determined in what my goals are, more confidant that I'll reach them, and more solid in my ways. I feel as though my feet are finally on the ground. I know some of my friends will look at this and laugh and shake their heads, but I think they'll know it's true. For the most part. I can still act like I'm 13, and when it comes to matters of the heart, and things that threaten it, I do frequently.
Another sign I'm getting old is my memory is slipping. You think I'm joking but I'm not. I've sat through conversations this past week, or told people things, and I don't remember what happened. I don't know if I just need to focus more, or if life has gotten so stressful that I can't remember much anymore, but it's annoying. I used to have such a good memory!

Stop pestering me. About this anyway.

Ok, fine. So apparently more than one of you missed my weekly update, that or just wanted to give me something to do so I'd stop bothering them because I was bored. I don't have a really good topic to write about, no flowers, no sun glaring in my eyes... Nothing really new with the Army, though they did quite piss me off last week and pretty much ruined my conference weekend, that combined with something to do with my blanket statement from the first blog. But both issues have been resolved or are in the process, and that's all I can ask for, so I'm content.
I've also been pestered about my upcoming birthday, about what I want for it, what I want to do for it. Yeah, not so much. I've never been one to celebrate birthdays, at least not my own. It stems mostly from that time in 2nd grade where I invited my whole class, and nobody showed up to the party (yes, those kinds of things do happen in real life. I realized I wasn't the most popular kid, and that's ok) or my 15th birthday when I had some of my best friends drive 40 miles to my house to see me, and while I was driving to get another friend, my mom and I got into a car accident. We never picked up the other friend, and the ones who were already at my house had to go home while my dad took my mom to the hospital to get checked out. We were both fine, just worried about some scratches. It was then I realized the futility of celebrating a birthday. When I was in Kuwait I turned 21. Most of my friends were non LDS, and honestly felt horrible that I had to experience such a big day in a dry (non alcoholic) country. Even though I don't drink, they wanted to drink for me. How thoughtful. I did, however, go down to the local Baskin Robbins and get myself an ice cream cone, and tried to eat it/enjoy it before it melted too quickly. I usually celebrate it by myself by fixing a cake and sitting at home wtih a tub of ice cream watching chick flicks... Oh wait, that's every friday night... Anyway. I've always been touched by how much it means to other people that I have a good birthday. A friend I barely knew brought me a doughnut with a candle in it a few days afterwards because I had just moved to Utah and didn't know anyone. And lately it just seems abstract that people are much, much, more excited about it than I am. And no, this isn't a pity plug for my birthday. Thanks though. I guess about the only thing I get really excited about is the chance to say to one of my friends that "I'm much older than you are, and that means I know more, so you have to listen to me". I wonder how much longer that's gonna hold up, as she has a degree, a husband, and a kid. Not to mention they're looking at buying their own house. Scary.
Once more, I have pulled off a great feat, writing a paper for a class in about 7 hours, plus 4 more of just messing around. And I didn't even know the paper was due till I attended the class that day. Lucky for me it was in the early afternoon. It was on the crusades, and it was worth 25% of my final grade, so I hope I did well. Oh, and in addition to my normal load of reading, one of my teachers just assigned a whole other freaking book on top of it! I can't tell you how happy that made me. Good thing my fall break is coming up, I'm going to need it. And, I think that's about it. Life is good, friends are good, work is...work. Parents just bought a house in Alabama, but still don't have a buyer for their house in West Virginia, should make life interesting to be sure.

And one more thing....

I just wanted to give a quick update to my life. Yes, I'm still sitting here bored at work, and yes, I should be reading homework. A new teacher (one of my classes is broken up between 3 teachers, each taking a third of the semester) assigned 147 pages of reading for the week, on top of my regular reading. I'm not very pleased. Jason, my best friend/messiest person in the whole world forgot (too lazy) to mail the rent check out this month, so after I get off work tonight at 10, I get to drive around the backwoods of Salt Lake looking for a house that we've only been to once before (took us 3 hours total, in broad daylight), and then be up at 4:30 for work the next morning. Yeah. But I did stop to smell those flowers from a couple posts back. Too bad I was sick and my stuffy nose prevented me from smelling anything good. I'm sure they were nice though.
There has been one recent development in my life that will have far reaching effects. Last March I put in an application to be considered for a Warrant Officer position in the Army. Warrant Officers, for those of you who don't know, are somewhere in between Enlisted and Officers on the pay scale, and somewhere between Einstein and Sir Issac Newton on the "I know what I'm talking about" scale. It's kinda scary. These guys don't wear the same uniform we do. They still have the basic one I wear, but they add stuff to it, like a clipboard, a huge coffee mug, and a scowl that makes you think the mug must be filled with vinegar. And they like it. They basically do whatever they want, and nobody has the guts to tell them otherwise. I've seen them spit at Generals, whereas I've seen other men wet themselves around Generals. And I LOVED IT! I want to be one. They're basically the subject matter expert in their field, and usually know every minute detail on the most obscure subject you can think of. It scares me, because, well, to be frank, I'm not that good. I keep telling myself that I'm not that good, yet... but it hasn't sunk in.
I've decided to accept the offer they extended me last week. This would get me out of going to Afghanistan with my current unit next spring, which is nice. I had quite the internal debate about this with myself though. My unit and I knew that I'd be offered the Warrant position (selection is based off the fact that there's a need for them, a HUGE need, and I'm a warm body who happened to meet the bare bone requirement to become one) so it wasn't a surprise that I finally got it, we just didn't think it'd happen so quickly. But the agreement I had with them was that I'd go to Afghanistan with them as their head supply person, which I'm not terribly qualified to do, but I'm the most qualified person they had. But I'd go with them, and then once we got back I'd take the Warrant position. This summer I've been gone most of the time, a good 6 months of training to prepare for the job I'd be doing in Afghanistan, and my unit has done nothing but stab me in the back. I recently got a new boss at my unit, who is FAT (which in the Army is something people tend to look down on for some reason), but very knowledgeable as he's got 20 years in the supply field. I've got about 8 months. So to take attention away from the fact that he's shamu's big fat uncle, he likes to point out all the things I did wrong while I was in charge, or the things I didn't do. He now has the head honcho wrapped around his finger, and convinced him that I did everything I could to destroy the supply system. Eh, whatever, he's fat, I get it, I don't hate fat people. But I get the impression that when I go overseas with them, it's just going to get worse.
I felt bad even thinking about leaving them high and dry while I run off and progress my career. I knew they'd probably pull some unsuspecting fool from another unit to go over with them in my place. I knew they'd spent thousands of dollars to send me to those classes. And most of all, I knew I had told them I'd do something, and now I was thinking about backing out of it. Then my friend Paul pointed out, that the Army had "screwed" me plenty of times before, and that I was the one who did the research into what classes I'd need to be productive overseas, I was the one who signed myself up for them, and took time out of my life to take them. My unit was just going to send me untrained, and leave me flapping in the wind. And really, I was helping the Army out overall by filling a position that they were very short on. Granted, this position I'm taking is in a newly formed Medical Command out of Salt Lake, who will never go anywhere or do anything, and I'll be able to stay in that position for the rest of my career... That's not too shabby. It still bothers me a bit about more or less going back on my word, but I think that'll be easier to get over than never being able to reach the knife that would be lodged in my back.
And yes, I know my blogs seem to run longer than most people's but really, who doesn't like hearing about my life?

Desiderata

So there's a story that goes along with this... I was in Basic Training, and it was my unit's turn to do "Base Beautification Duty". That's basically the Army's way of doing lawn care and landscaping without having to pay for it. They get us up at the usual hour of 0430 and we're all standing there, knowing that we're all in for a long, long, day of hard work. They call out the names of people who are going to be on which detail; 20 in some group to mow lawns, 15 in another to rake the pine needles. There were only 7 others in my group, one of the smallest there was, and they didn't tell us what our detail would be. I have to say I was pretty nervous, not knowing. There was something safe in knowing what your doom was. Every one else was carted off to their far off places to be put to work, lunches in hand. At least we knew we'd be back for dinner. We were loaded on a bus, and a Drill Sergeant took us down the road. We sat in silence, wondering, I'm sure, what we were in for. The Drill Sergeant noticed the silence, and decided to make us sing "The wheels on the bus go round and round", so that made us laugh, and we sang out hearts out, prompted by the promise that if we didn't preform to his liking, it wasn't going to be good for us. He took us out to a land fill looking place, and introduced us to the man who was to be in charge of us for the rest of the day. The man, a civilian was very easy going and very nice, much to our relief. Many civilians, knowing that we were brand new in the Army, tried to boss us around and humiliate us like we were theirs to command.

It was our job, once the grass clippings and pine needles were raked up, bagged and brought to us, to empty the bags. That's it. About 10 minutes worth of work every hour! At first we didn't know what to do with our free time, it'd been weeks since we were left totally unmanaged (the old guy had gone into his office down the hill)! He even left his truck with the keys in it so we could listen to the radio when we wanted. We started digging around the junk piles, and found an old baseball bat and a few balls. Between the piles of trash, we found a perfectly formed baseball diamond, and we each took turns hitting a few balls around. There was a frisbee too, which we used for most of the day. We were careful not to be seen by the other Soldiers bringing back the bags of refuse, word of us having a fun relaxed time while everyone else was working wouldn't sit well. We had a leisurely lunch, and laid in the bed of the truck soaking up the sun, listening to the music, the few girls that were with us actually volunteered to give back rubs!

We spent the day totally relaxed, a vacation from the stress and worry of boot camp. At the end of the day, we all shuffled down to the small one room office at the bottom of the hill, and entered into it's air conditioned glory. We took turns using the (fairly) clean bathroom, and absorbing the cool air. As we waited to be picked up in the bus, I looked up and saw the words below on the wall. I started to read them aloud, not knowing what it was, or what the next words would be, and as I did, a hush fell over our relaxed group. Soon, everything was silent, save the hum of the air conditioner as I read the words. A peace fell over us, and as I finished reading, nobody spoke, because it seemed that we all wanted to hang on to that silent peace. As the bus rumbled up, and we marched out, we each took one look back at the words on the wall. Upon our return to the barracks everyone had already heard what an enjoyable day we had, and compared it to the misery which they had to deal with. Soon we were back to the hustle and bustle of our training, and that day seemed a forever ago. Yet as I looked back on that day, a remnant of that peace filled my heart, and I have tried to live my life according to the words which capped the perfect day.


Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

The flower and the corporation

As I was walking past the library to institute last night, I saw the strangest thing. A man stopped and smelled the flowers which were planted along the path. At first I thought it was odd, even though that familiar old saying popped into my head. I found myself slightly envious of this man, who had thought to take but a moment out of his life to appreciate the seemingly little things of this world. I thought about stopping to smell the flowers as well, but I didn't. I don't know if it was out of fear that I didn't want this guy to think I was mocking him somehow, or if I might have been embarrassed had someone seen me doing something out of the ordinary. For some reason, I was totally self conscious about it. The whole walk back to the institute I was thinking about going back to smell them, just to see what they were like. I didn't really care anymore if they smelled great or wonderful, but within me, I wanted to know that I had taken the time to enjoy something small. I'm resolved that the next time I'm on campus, I'm going to stop and smell them, and I hope that lots of people see me. You never know what actions you take which might inspire someone else to enjoy something previously taken for granted in their lives. And yes, I went on a rant about the qualities of a friggin flower, gush if you please.

I'm sitting at my job while I write this, and I have to say, for "work", I kinda like it. I have a couple friends, and I can talk to them via the chat program we have at work. It hasn't quite turned into the homework encouraging thing that I'd hoped it'd be, but then again, if I weren't doing this, I could be reading. And yes, I'm still way behind in my reading for school. They have what they call Clinics, where people come in to hawk their products to us to get us to both be more knowledgeable for our customers, and hopefully be more inclined to sell their products. I've not learned a whole lot attending the two that I've gone to, but I did win a sweet set of headphones from Skullcandy, and today, I broke a $500 watch from Suunto. In my opinion, Sunnto is a huge waste of money (obviously if I can break it in just holding it for 5 minutes), but skullcandy is a pretty decent product. I love how companies come out with new and exciting "technology" each year for things that we somehow can't do without, and it costs just a little bit more than what we're willing to spend, but dang it, some people just have to have the latest and greatest. If you can't tell, I've learned to hate most corporations. I think that by and large, most of them don't serve any useful purpose to society and yet somehow they take advantage of gullible consumers to stay alive or even flourish. Look at me! I've gone from pondering the pleasures and wonder of the small things in life, to a semi sermon against irresponsible capitalism, they're totally related if you ask me. I love blogging! I suddenly make so much more sense to myself!

Random note- My desk is facing the West side of the building, where I can see outside. This also means, as the sun sets, it shines directly into my eyes for a good two hours. So yes, I'm sitting at my desk wearing my sun glasses. Suddenly I'm much more interested the in visible light transmission percentages of sun glasses!

For those of you wondering, I'm still behind in my reading for school, and I've consigned myself to the fact that I probably always will be. There's just too much going on with it. Not to mention that it's mostly all written by crusty old men who haven't seen the outside of their offices in a decade or two, so it's a little bit dry.

My First Blog

Well, this is exciting, isn't it? You get to read all my innermost thoughts! HA, not quite. I've been pondering for most of the day about what to put in this first post. Should I put my annoyance with drivers who have a turn lane, but still insist on using only half of it while keeping their arse ends sticking out in my lane? My constant amusement with the Utah poof I see on girl's heads every year in school? Eh, I don't know. I'm sure I may put something up about each of those yet.

What I know this will not become, is a place for me to vent my frustrations about the other "fairer" sex. I could go on all day about this. I'm just going to do a blanket statement, which should cover quite a bit of my frustrations with them for all time. The ones who say they love me but don't do anything about it. The ones who have my attention, know that they have it, but don't return phone calls, texts, or whatnot thereby leaving me hanging. The ones who say they want me, then don't, then do, then don't. The ones who get offended too easily. The ones who don't realize that I'M A GUY, I DON"T THINK THE SAME WAY YOU DO! The ones who say they only want something, but then want something totally different. I know there are more out there, but sadly that's all my brain can think of right now. This is legal notice that you all hereby pretty much annoy, frustrate, or otherwise cause undo stress in my life, and i'm sick of it. If i didn't like you all so much as a gender, I'd get a restraining order. Now I don't mean to say that I won't mention girls in my posts, seeing as how they are roughly half the world's population, they're bound to interact with me during the course of the day. Such as the girl in my Intro to Islam class who shoved her (nice) butt in my face and told me that she was horrified to find that she had put those jeans in the dryer, which was why they were so tight. I thought it was just because she wanted to shove her rear in my face. Either way, I didn't mind terribly, but I wondered if she somehow thought I could understand pulling out shrunken jean from a dryer. I don't think I've ever noticed anything other than expensive sweaters shrinking when I put them in the dryer.... moooving on.

Yes, that's a good idea of what this blog will probably be like. I've decided recently that there are things which sometimes keep me up to all hours of the night, and it'd be best if I wrote something down instead of laying awake thinking about them. Oh yes, and about the name of my blog, The Black Rock. It's not some stupid reference to something off of the tv show LOST as undoubtedly at least one of you was thinking. It actually hit me today while walking to class, it's a song by OAR, and it's quite fitting for a blog. I'd like to get it and put it on here if I could, maybe a friend who has music on their blog will help me... hint hint...

Well, that should do it for today, between this and facebook, I'll probably fail my classes yet again. Hope you all come back everyonce in a while, and maybe this will be updated. If you come back tomorrow looking for more, you're fooling yourself. If you want to know what's going on in my life right then, just text me. I realize I spent most of my time writing about what I won't be writing about, but maybe that'll free me up to write about other, more important stuff. Heck, I might even come back and add to that list of things I won't write about. Ok, I've got like 200 more pages of reading to do before Monday, and I won't have any time this weekend, so I'll catch you all later.